


But my Heart is where I'm going

by berrycasino



Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Kinda, M/M, Mention Of Suicide Attempt, well it's off-screen and could be read as depression only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 20:54:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3148253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrycasino/pseuds/berrycasino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newt didn't really care about anyone who wasn't part of his make-shift family, the Gladers. He didn't want to care about anyone else, either. Then he met Thomas and realized that maybe, he didn't really have a say in that matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But my Heart is where I'm going

**Author's Note:**

> Set in a kinda post-apocalyptic setting as in there was a war and now things are really shitty for 90% of the population. Newt is a part of that, whereas Thomas is not. I imagine this story is set in a world which has the feel and looks of like the movie „The Road“ had, you know, everything grey and dead. Society-wise I thought more along the lines of „Pride & Prejudice“ or „Oliver Twist“ and somehow this happened?
> 
> \+ the title is taken from the beautiful song “Atonement” by Anberlin.  
> ++ Thomas and Teresa are brother and sister, and though not mentioned by name, Ava Paige and Janson are the aunt and uncle in the story. whoops

Newt didn't really care about anyone who wasn't part of his make-shift family, the Gladers. He didn't  _want_  to care about anyone else, either. Then he met Thomas and realized that maybe, he didn't really have a say in that matter.

Newt was young and poor, but not too young to work, just too young to get proper work. He shared the fate of most of the population – having grown up in poverty wasn't so bad, but losing their parents in the war and realizing that he wasn't important enough to be taken in anywhere – that sucked. He guessed he could consider himself lucky in the way that he was taken in by a man who collected boys like him, and taught them the art of pick-pocketing.

As they got older, the man got sick and died. Alby, who was the oldest of the boys, took over and made changes that probably saved their lives. With so many poor people the rich people panicked and shut themselves away, and suddenly stealing was punished way harsher than necessary, especially when the victim was someone who wouldn't even have noticed anything missing if you weren't caught in the act.

But Alby made sure they were all able to do something at least not completely illegal and even though the food got scarce sometimes – it worked. Newt trusted Alby with his life, but he sure as hell didn't trust Minho in the slightest right now.

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on, it's not that risky. I wouldn't ask you if Ben wasn't sick, you know that, but I am asking you now because I am a 100% sure that you can pull this off just as good as he would!” Minho tried to reason with a mix of expiration and begging. It wasn't working.

“I'm not even considering it. Being stuck on a train while the grievers are looking for us in that bloody train is –”

Minho interrupted him in low voice, “The last food delivery wasn't that good. We won't take the rich people’s money, we're going to go on the train with the pretence to serve their food and actually do that, and when they're asleep we'll take the rations that are left, and you know there'll be plenty.”

Newt was quiet, then sighed and asked, “Has Alby given this a go?”

When Minho nodded he wondered if he was going to regret this, but knew he didn't really have a choice.

“So, who else is coming?”

*

As it turned out, the plan was to go for the food when the train was nearly as its last station, get off, take the next train back and play staff again while carefully hiding the food. Minho felt like this was the right time to take some younger boys with them, because it wasn't as dangerous as usual and mainly because the younger ones still moved like proper street kids – they could either cause a ruck-us and the perfect distraction or move as quick and quiet as a mouse.

Newt didn't feel completely comfortable with their team but seeing Chuck, being the youngest with 12 years but the most excited being on a train, he smiled helplessly. Maybe this wouldn't be such a big deal after all.

Minho took on the role of a waiter flawlessly, while Newt had to try very hard to keep being polite and charming as not to draw any attention to them. Chuck and most of the younger boys were taken on as cleaning staff, which suited their plan just fine, as they would know exactly where the food was and when to move, while Minho and Newt would mostly make sure that no one noticed them.

Serving lunch for these people would be more bearable if he didn't have to see the amount of food each of these persons got, and how much of it they left on their plates, because their stomachs were too full. He didn't think he could even remember if there ever was a time in his life where he ate as much as these people did right now.

Just as he turned around to plant another fake smile on his face he saw Chuck moving some luggage through the dining area. His smile turned real for just a moment as he saw Chuck bump into a man, who gave him such a dirty look it caused Chuck to scramble backwards meekly apologizing under his breath and crashing into the table behind him.

There was a shocked silence and Newt didn't think twice about rushing forward and getting Chuck back on his feet. At the table sat an older, angry-looking, couple and a girl and boy about his age. And just as he saw the man's mouth open to shout at them, he was surprised by the boy as he jumped out of his chair and knelt down next to them.

He smiled kindly at Chuck and asked, “Are you okay, buddy? Haven't been on a train that often, huh? Don't worry, I fell over loads of times, and I'm pretty sure I managed to break something every single time!”

Newt was struck speechless as Chuck giggled shyly, because he knew what the boy did just now – and when their eyes met, he knew the boy didn't just say that to cheer Chuck up (as if that wouldn't have been weird enough) he also gave him an excuse and managed to emphasize that there was no actual damage done.

All of sudden the girl spoke up and said to the others, “It's just as well, because I have not tasted anything more delicious than this for quite a while. Maybe only the food we had in that other city when we visited your friend, uncle, where was that again? Silly me, I've forgotten already.” She finished looking expectant at her uncle, who grudgingly ignored them and answered her.

When the boy started to move to help collect the luggage Newt was sure his bewilderment must have shown on his face, because his voice came out slightly confused and a bit soft as he said, “Oh no please don't, we've got it covered, sir. Our apologies.”

The boy grinned at him and said with a conspirative wink to Chuck, “Don't you dare call me 'Sir', too, that just makes me feel really old.”

The aunt must have been watching their exchange the whole time because her voice was calm but positively icy when she said, “Thomas! I think you should best keep eating your food.”

Thomas seemed to sense the warning tone in her voice as well because he gave his aunt a graceful nod and Newt and Chuck a small smile before he sat down again, where the girl still made an effort to engage their uncle in conversation. Newt didn't know what to think of the boy other than the fact that he was quite unusual friendly and weird. Mostly weird, he decided.

As they moved away Chuck breathed a sigh of relief and Newt gave the back of his head a light slap. He didn't need to say anything though, Chuck just gave him an apologetic smile and ran off. Newt really wished that this wasn't an omen for the whole journey, but it seemed he was meant to be wrong today.

After dinner Newt was stuck cleaning the now empty dining-area while Minho met up with the other boys to discuss their plan discreetly. He was nearly done when he looked up and nearly threw the towel at the person standing suddenly in front of him.

“Bloody hell, you almost gave me a heart attack!” Newt exclaimed without thinking and was relieved when he heard a giggle in return.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I was on my way to the botany wagon but I think I lost my way?” Thomas smiled sheepishly.

Newt gave him a small smile and said, “Well, you're right that you're lost  _here_. Would you like me to show you the way?” This way he could make sure the boy wouldn't accidentally stumble across Minho and the others, even if he probably wouldn't overhear anything important, it was better to be safe.

Newt startled again when Thomas beamed at him and exclaimed nodding, “Yes please!”. He noticed Thomas looked mighty relieved and guessed he had been looking for a while now. Thomas seemed to sense Newt's slightly judging thoughts and added, “It is a very big train. And it looks quite different at night.”

Newt thought these were some very poor excuses, but since the boy had been only friendly so far, he decided to just go along with it. He was nice, but weird.

After they had walked in silence for a while, Thomas asked him, “Is the other boy okay? The one that bumped into our table.”

“Chuck? He's fine, don't worry.” Now that the boy had mentioned the incident, Newt felt like he had to thank Thomas for his help again, and he reluctantly began saying it when Thomas interrupted him.

“No, no, please don't thank me. Nothing happened, and my uncle and aunt tend to blow things out of proportions. And what I said is quite true, I am terribly clumsy.” he said quickly and added the last bit with a wince. Newt smiled genuinely at him now and was just about to answer when there was a loud crash and the whole train fell on its side.

*

All he could hear was a loud, shrill sound. Then he could feel a heavy weight upon him, making it hard for him to breathe. Suddenly he registered a sharp stabbing pain in his leg and of course something fell on the leg with the limp, where else could he possibly be injured? And just when it hadn't bothered him for months.

It only occurred to him that something must be seriously wrong when he smelled smoke and felt heat everywhere. He opened his eyes and realized that it was really weird that he wasn't able to before when he saw Thomas' face and his lips move without a sound coming from them.

Thomas looked frantic and he had a long bloody gash on his forehead close to his right eye when the noise suddenly came back.

“Oh fuck.” Newt swore when he could manage to think past a giant headache, and now he could hear Thomas clearly, too, who seemed to speak more to himself than Newt anyway.

“Okay, okay, we need to get this off you. And I think we really should do it fast, because people usually die of asphyxiation and not fire itself, so we really should get you out of here quick, okay? But you need to help me, I can't lift this off of you on my own. On three you push, okay?”

Thomas took a deep breath and Newt tried to, but upon realizing that that just wasn't going to happen he started counting instead.

“Okay, one, two, three!”

Newt swore under his breath because now he realized that whatever was on top of him must be made out of metal because it was bloody  _hot_ , and together they managed to push it off Newt. He immediately tried to get up because he slowly started to understand that the situation was more dangerous than he thought and he must have hit his head quite a bit because usually he was much more alert in a crisis, and if this wasn't a crisis.

Thomas helped him up and pulled him in the direction of the window, which yes, made sense because they needed to get out of here and that was the fastest way out. Suddenly Thomas picked something up and threw it at the window, which shattered immediately and sent the fire around them even higher. But before Newt could react, Thomas had climbed through the window and leaned back in to pull Newt up.

They collapsed next to the train, but Newt stumbled upon his feet again and gripped Thomas' arm, saying, “We can't stay here, come on, now!”

Newt had seen a factory on fire once and he remembered all too vividly the explosion that came after it had burned for a while already. He prayed that Minho and the other boys were alright, but he had faith enough in Minho to get them out in time, probably way faster than he and Thomas got out.

It was nearly impossible to see anything, the smoke was so thick around them, they ran blindly forward, trying to get as much distance between them and the train as possible. Suddenly there was another loud crash and they were pressed forward and tumbled down something, and that was when everything went dark again.

*

This time Newt woke up first. His whole body hurt, but he could move everything alright, apart from his leg, which was way more painful than the rest, and one of his arms. That was when he noticed Thomas lying half on top of his arm, still unconscious. Newt took a careful look around and realized they must have fallen down a hill, there was still smoke, but not nearly as much as before. It was also dawn.

Dawn. That meant he and Thomas had been laying here for at least 7 hours! Newt refused to believe that Minho didn't make it. He was too good not to have made it. He tried to think rationally. Minho managed to get out with the boys, he ran to get away from the explosion, just like Thomas and him. Minho had been nearly at the other end of the train, so he got out somewhere different from them.

After the explosion he would have looked for Newt, in the area around the dining-room, but – Newt hadn't been in the dining-area at the time of the crash, he was a few wagons farer walking with Thomas, and if it was dark and the air still thick with smoke Minho had no chance to find him. His priority would be to get the boys back to Maze somehow, it was too dangerous around here, and with so many rich people panicked – the police would have sent them away anyway.

He drew in a shaky breath. Okay. That meant he was on his own for now. He noticed Thomas twitching slightly and made a plan. 1. Get Thomas back to the train. There would surely be people looking for him. 2. Find a way to get back to the other Gladers without losing too much time.

He carefully felt along his leg and grimaced. He wouldn't be fast with this, and he didn't have any food. He wasn't even sure if it would be safe to head along the tracks, if a train this size crashed they wouldn't want to admit that it was a construction failure or anything like that – they would try to find themselves someone they could blame, preferably someone poor. Someone like him.

Focusing on his first task, he gently shook Thomas.

“Hey, you need to wake up. Thomas, you need to wake up now.” he told him in a soft voice. Thankfully Thomas seemed to be mostly alright as well, a bit confused and he squinted his eyes like he had just as much of a headache as Newt did. That, Newt decided, he could work with.

“Okay now, up you get. We need to get back up on that hill, yeah?”

Newt barked out a laugh when he saw Thomas look up the hill, go white, nod faintly and whisper, “Sure. No problem.”

As they slowly made their way up, it turned out that they needed to support each other equally, and by the time they made it on top they were both utterly exhausted. What they saw there left them reeling though, and Newt had a sinking feeling in his gut.

If seeing the train-wreck, still burning lightly, with probably many people dead inside wasn't bad enough, there was also the fact that they were utterly alone.

They both just stared at the burning remains in silence until Thomas said softly, “They must think we're dead. We're in the middle of nowhere so when they couldn't find us, they assumed we were trapped in the train. They had to leave to get help.”

Newt didn't have the heart to tell Thomas that they probably left to get help for only themselves. He didn't think it was likely that anyone was coming back here soon, and he wondered if he had underestimated what had happened here. The others were alright, he would find them. Just. Baby steps.

Thomas looked at him and he looked so lost that Newt heard himself saying, “I can bring you back to the nearest town. I'm pretty sure that going back to Maze will take us 3 days at most, if we make it along the railway we can't miss it. I'm not bad at finding food in the woods either.”

Thank god for Alby's insistence at them trying out for every job there was, he knew at least what to look out for what they could eat.

“Okay. Thank you.” and then, smiling again, Thomas held out his hand and said, “Well, since we're going to be spending a lot of time with each other, we should introduce ourselves properly. I'm Thomas.”

And then he looked with such an honest expression at Newt that he gave in and shook his hand, feeling faintly ridiculous as he did so, especially as the move made them lose their fragile balance and wavering quite a bit, he said, “Well then Tommy, you can call me Newt. And I'll be your guide for the weekend.”

He probably owed Thomas this, besides, he wouldn't slow him down much. Probably. And maybe, just maybe, Newt didn't like the thought of Thomas being here by himself.

*

As they carefully made their way around the wreckage Newt realized they needed to find water first. He felt weak enough as it was, and he could feel in the way Thomas shook slightly against him, that he wasn't the only one. He led them into the woods and tried to remember everything he could about them. He had never spent much time in them, the last war had left everything grey and dead. But he knew they could find water around here somewhere still, since there was a little bit of green left.

When they finally found a pond they drank eagerly, and Thomas insisted on cleaning Newt's head wound.

“Why are you being such a baby about this? It's on the back of your head, you can't even see it properly, how will you know it's clean?”

Some arguing later Newt had succumbed to Thomas carefully washing his hair and apologizing every time Newt winced. He ripped his jacket in stripes against Newt's objections and used them as make-shift bandages. And this was how Newt first learned that when Thomas wanted to do something, he would find a way to do it, no matter what.

Thomas' hands were careful but rough, making Newt think that his insistence to tend to Newt's wounds came from the desire to help more than feeling obliged to because he had the skill. By the way he was handling Newt, he was pretty sure Thomas hadn't tended to any injury his entire life.

He still managed to smile encouragingly at him though, and when he saw lines on Thomas' face ease he didn't even notice before he was really glad he did. Taking a good look of the brown-haired boy he felt a flicker of guilt that he kept belittling the boy in his thoughts.

After all Thomas came to this situation the exact same way he did, and from the moment he met him he had been trying to be nothing but nice. Newt didn't want to care about strangers, especially rich ones, but he didn't want to be unreasonably mean to them either if they hadn't done anything to deserve it.

And Thomas hadn't. So, maybe, he could make an exception.

“You okay?” Newt asked him in a serious voice.

Thomas looked surprised but smiled earnestly back at him and said, “Yeah, I think my head to the brunt of the fall. Well, and you apparently make a pretty good cushion, too.”

Newt shook his head with a slight smile and made sure Thomas drank a bit more, just in case he had a concussion.

They were just about to make their way back to the tracks when Thomas practically jumped in the air and shouted “What the hick hack frickity frack!”

Newt was startled into a loud laugh but looked around to see what had Thomas so spooked. Then he saw two black eyes on the other side of the pond, long legs and big antlers -

“A deer.” Newt whispered gob-smacked. He didn't think they existed anymore.

“A deer?” Thomas repeated and when Newt tore his eyes away from the animal he saw Thomas looking completely awestruck.

The deer just looked at them, seemingly not regarding them as threats.

He heard Thomas whisper, “I mean, I heard that some were saved, but they were all supposed to be locked away. For safekeeping.” He added the last bit with a note of bitterness in his voice.

“Maybe it survived on his own.”

“Maybe it escaped.” Thomas countered with a small smile and Newt thought he could hear a note of longing in his voice.

And Newt decided then and there not to bother with wondering why he liked the boy already anymore. Worrying had never got him any good anyway.

The deer's ears suddenly stood up and it bolted. As it was out of sight, Newt felt a loss, thinking that he hadn't seen something so beautiful and alive for a long time.

He felt Thomas look up and heard him ask him excitedly, “Do you think those people were sent to help us?”

He whipped his head around and yes – there was a group of people there, men with tools it seemed. But upon hearing rows of laughter from them he felt a spark of anger. He was right after all.

“I don't think they're here to help anyone but themselves, Tommy.”

Seeing Thomas look of confusion he clarified, “They aren't hear for the people, they're here for the machine. They don't want to find anyone alive there, they just want to make some money.”

In fact, technically this was considered stealing. He eyed the group and guessed they were about 10 people. If they were here already, when the accident wasn't even a day ago, they were either extremely poor and desperate (which would have been likely, but the way they walked and laughed – he didn't think they were that bad off) which meant that they weren't as poor as most of the people, but definitely not rich either.

Nowadays the only people who were part of that middle class where the ones who took what they wanted from those poorer than themselves without any guilt or regard.

“Change of plan. We keep away from the tracks and head through the woods instead. We're more likely to find shelter and food that way anyhow.”

Newt tried to look reassuring and unbothered but he saw that Thomas understood that these people weren't out to help them in any way. Seeing Thomas' remaining clothes they might even guess that he was from a wealthy family and Newt was pretty sure that fact would make it way worse for them.

They moved as lightly and fast as they could, which was admittedly not very fast or quiet at all. Newt was starting to regret being able to walk on his own because it seemed that meant that Thomas was running around like a puppy who had never been outside before in his entire life.

He couldn't quite bring himself to scold the other boy when he looked around with wondrous eyes. Newt only spoke up when he noticed that Thomas seemed to be the type that had to touch everything as well.

“Oi, better be careful what you touch here.” Newt ignored how kind and fond his voice came out. This wasn't any different than admonishing the younger boys.

Thomas moved his hand away from the plant he had been just about to touch with a chagrined look on his face.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I've just haven't had the opportunity to get out that often, and they don't show these things in the galleries.”

“That's probably because most of these plants here are dead or dying, Thomas.” Newt deadpanned.

Thomas grimaced, “Stop sounding like my teacher, that's just not right. You're not nearly old enough for that voice either.”

Newt disagreed. The voice worked wonders on the Gladers, and not just the young ones.

His thoughts must have shown on his face because Thomas told him, “If you  _insist_  on sounding like a teacher, teach me something useful! What would I be able to eat around here, Mr. Newton?”

His smile only grew when Newt's face turned dark.

“Don't you dare.”

Thomas just laughed harder and answered him delightedly.

“So I  _was_  right! I had wondered what Newt stood for. Oh, don't make such a face, I heard way worse. My sister is called Teresa, even she thinks she sounds like a grandmother. Newton sounds quite respectable.” His mood had dimmed a bit as he mentioned Teresa, and Newt found himself wanting to cheer him up again.

“I'm sure she's alright. And for the record, I am quite respectable as just Newt. Probably way more respectable than I would be as Newton.” he said giving a little shudder on the name.

Thomas grinned again and said, “Well, don't think I haven't noticed you didn't answer my question,  _Newt_. You won't get rid of me that easily!”

“I noticed that already.” Newt responded, unable to keep the smile out of his voice, and began explaining everything he remembered about the woods.

*

They had actually managed to find a little food, which was already more than Newt had expected, since they hadn't managed to cover much distance at all. As it was getting dark he noticed Thomas giving him concerned looks he clearly tried to be sneaky about (he failed spectacularly) and Newt supposed he was dragging his feet a bit.

The longer they walked the more pronounced he could feel his limp become, and it was for the best anyway if they found shelter for the night. He was torn about venturing farer out into the woods, where they would more likely be finding any kind of shelter, but they also would move even farer away from the tracks.

Newt had a good sense of direction, but he also wasn't at his best and getting lost here could in the worst case scenario be the end for both him and Thomas.

“I think we should move farer into the woods. The trees are closer there and we don't want to be sleeping where someone like the men before could stumble across us, right?” Thomas interrupted his thoughts.

Newt didn't add the obvious, that it also meant that if there were actually any search parties, they wouldn't find them either. Instead he just nodded and headed deeper into the forest. He noticed Thomas always turned his ideas and opinions into suggestions instead of simply stating them and wondered if that was a trained response or if it just came naturally to him.

He remembered a young boy who was very quiet and did exactly the same. Apparently before he became a part of the Gladers he was with his father who didn't tolerate any backtalk whatsoever. Newt thought of the behaviour of Thomas' aunt and uncle and could easily picture a similar situation.

He was pretty sure Thomas' careful way of phrasing things was trained into him. He was way too curious for it to be any different.

They both breathed sighs of relief when they came across what must have been a hunting shack once, and was now totally abandoned. After all, there wasn't really anything to hunt anymore.

After Newt made sure that the hut was empty and had been untouched for a good while, as well, he considered the pros and cons of starting a fire. When he saw Thomas trying to suppress a shiver he decided to fuck it and risk it. They had been wandering quite a bit into the woods, and the window was dusty enough that they wouldn't be too obvious in giving away their location.

As Newt got the fire going Thomas nodded gratefully at him and rubbed his arms up and down.

“Here.” Without thinking Newt had taken off his jacket and held it out to Thomas. Seeing Thomas surprise and hesitance he decided that it didn't matter now anyway and added, “Take it. I've had worse, it's okay.”

Acting without thinking seemed to happen to him rather often around Thomas. He chose to keep his resolve not to bother thinking about why that was.

“That doesn't mean you should.” Thomas mumbled but put the jacket over the remains of his own one.

“Should what?” Newt asked while moving closer to the fire to warm himself up. Now it really was rather cold.

“Have it worse now. Just because you had it worse before.” Thomas interrupted his musings. He said this in a slow, tired voice and didn't seem to notice the way Newt looked at him. Newt didn't think he figured Thomas out at all.

As he laid down next to Thomas, who had curled himself into a ball and whose breathing had evened out already, he stared at the back of his head. Looking at the mess of now dirty brown hair, he wondered if he knew what he was doing at all.

*

He woke up stiff but his body didn't hurt as much as it did yesterday. Judging by the groan Thomas let out next to him, he didn't feel the same. Newt chuckled and stood up and stretched his limbs carefully.

Thomas rolled onto his back and just watched him for a while. When Newt was done and nodded encouragingly at Thomas to get up, Thomas squinted his eyes.

“I don't think I can even  _feel_  my back anymore.”

Newt grinned while taking Thomas' arms and pulling him up as Thomas let out pitiful groans but didn't complain.

“Feeling better?” Newt asked him cheekily and Thomas only stuck out his tongue at him and stumbled out of the shack. Newt felt lighter than he had since this whole thing started. Maybe today would finally be a good day.

As they were slowly moving closer to the railway again Newt wondered how it was possible for someone to not get tired of asking so many questions. He answered what he could good-naturedly, especially since Thomas seemed to have a never-ending interest in everything – not just the nature around them, but where Newt had been before, what living in Maze was like, and only when he broached the topic of family did Newt hesitate.

Thomas sensed that this subject was different than what they talked about before and added softly, “You don't have to tell me anything you don't feel comfortable telling, you know that, don't you? I know I ask a lot of questions, and we know each other for 3 days only.”

He looked apologetic and Newt got the feeling that if he didn't take a step towards Thomas now, Thomas would retreat back into what he probably considered 'proper' behaviour.

“Are you sure you want to know? Our life is quite different than yours, and not in the good way.” he found himself blurting out. He was surprised to find that he wanted to tell Thomas about the Gladers Maybe he also was curious as how Thomas would react. He seemed so out-of-touch with such mundane things, things that were considered general knowledge by every street-kid, and – so far Thomas had only exceeded his expectations.

He kind of wanted him to do so again. He had to admit he was also extremely curious about Thomas upbringing.

“I want to know, please?”

“Well, I live in on the edge of Maze. In a...I'm not even sure what it was before the war, but I guess something like an elementary school maybe? It already had something akin to a kitchen and toilets, so we only had to build our own sleeping rooms. It has something of a winter garden, and we managed to actually grow a bit of food there. We mostly have to think Alby for that. Everyone calls us the Gladers, and we grew to like the name I guess. We take in street-kids we stumble upon, and if they pull their weight and fit into the group they stay with us.”

“How many of them are there?”, Thomas asked.

“All in all we are 25 boys right now. We mostly do legal stuff to get by, but sometimes that's not enough and especially the younger boys, ironically, tend to go out on their own and get food from god-knows-where. You even met one of them.” Newt added with a smirk.

Thomas looked confused before exclaiming, “The boy who bumped into our table! But he can't have been more than 12?”

Newt's smile dimmed and he nodded, “Chuck's 12. He's the youngest right now. Most of all lost our parents at a young age, and if you have bad luck on who picks you off the street – we'd take in younger boys, if they wanted to.”

“I guess we're lucky then. Teresa's and my parents died when we were 6. We've been living with our aunt and uncle since then.”

Thomas said this with such an unconvincingly smile that Newt couldn't stop himself from asking, “You trying to convince me or yourself?”

When Thomas looked at him questioningly he explained, “The way you say that I don't believe for a second you think you're lucky your aunt and uncle took you in. - Some of the boys actually had a place to stay, distant relatives or neighbours and what not – but they decided to stay with us instead. Because it just didn't work out with the other people.”

Newt saw Thomas clearly fighting with something when the words just seemed to tumble out of him.

“I know you met them, I mean my aunt and uncle, and they must seem like rude and maybe even horrible people to you, but they aren't that bad. They adore Teresa and me, and they travel a lot with us, and it's just – they clearly have this exact expectation of how what I should be like, and how the rest of the world should be like. And. I don't like the way they constantly put themselves above others, and want Teresa and me to do the same, like because we were born rich we have the right over others. And they know that I don't agree, and they try to make me this person who is just like them, but I just don't think I am. It's like every time they have to remind me, whenever I want to do something out of their norm, that I'm not showing acceptable behaviour and it just – their love for me is just so clearly conditional.”

Newt was quiet and Thomas continued in an impossibly small voice, “They don't really love  _me_ , they love a version of me they would like to see. I don't think I can ever be that person, or, I don't think I ever  _want_  to be that person. Teresa understands, but she can't help and – you may not have much, but you have more family than we ever had.”

“If it helps, I like the person you are right now. And I don't think your aunt or uncle could change that.”

Thomas squeezed his eyes shut and whispered, “That's exactly what I'm afraid of. The main reason why I helped Chuck out and refused to be mad at staff was just that. I'm selfish, I just don't want to lose who I am and end up not caring one day. About anyone.”

They had stopped walking by now and Newt looked at Thomas, who had his eyes closed and his head hanging low. Something about what Thomas had said struck him, and he grabbed Thomas' chin firmly and moved it up.

Looking him in the eye he said, “It doesn't matter if you're only nice to others because you're afraid. And I don't think that's the only reason you do the things you do. What really matters is that you do them, because you think you're doing what is right. That's important. You don't have to be scared.”

He couldn't read the look in Thomas' eyes, but held his gaze anyway, wanting to get his point across.

“Honestly, if we'd change these proper clothes of yours, you'd fit right in with the Gladers.”

That at last put a smile on his face, and Newt noticed the way the corner of his eyes crinkled with the force of it, and he thought that there could have been way worse people to be stuck with.

After that Thomas didn't stray so far away nearly as often as before, he seemed equally content to walk close to Newt and talk. Newt usually didn't talk as much, but with Thomas the conversation had been easy from the start, and now it just seemed to have a life of its own. He supposed he should have been more alarmed that he didn't mind at all.

But as it got dark again no talking could distract them from the fact that this time they hadn't managed to find anything to eat. They had found another stream, but that wasn't nearly enough to quell the hunger.

When it started raining as well, he gave up.

“I think this is a sign.” he grumbled.

“Find somewhere to stay for the night?” Thomas agreed and they made do with a small cave. They couldn't stand up in it, and it only barely shut the rain away, but they were tired and hungry and in there they could dry at least somewhat.

Newt was just starting to take his jacket off when Thomas protested.

“Taking that off alone won't help, I'm pretty sure we're drenched completely by now. And we'd freeze if we'd lose all our clothes.” Newt lost his train of thought when Thomas all of sudden came closer, squeezed himself to Newt's chest and burrowed into his now considerably wetter shirt. Newt hesitantly brought his arms around Thomas back.

It wasn't nearly as weird as it should have been. They warmed each other up and there wouldn't have been space for them to sleep separately anyway. And yet, Newt could only focus on the smell of Thomas' hair, which didn't smell like they had been in the wild for 3 days. It wasn't fair at all.

*

The next morning Thomas didn't complain when Newt insisted they move as soon as possible. He didn't know if Thomas knew they needed to find at least a bit food fast if they didn't want to lose even more time, since their pace would only continue to slow if they kept on going like this.

Newt's thoughts flew to Minho and the others and he tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut. They must think him dead by now. They knew that if he had made it out alive and couldn't find them, he would take the fastest way back to maze to meet up with the others, but that had been 4 days ago now.

He looked to Thomas and in that moment he was genuinely glad to have him there with him. Only when Thomas smiled and nodded at him did he notice he had been smiling.

As they moved out they didn't have any luck in finding food and Newt was never more thankful that he and the other Gladers had managed to build something where food wasn't always the first thing on their minds. He hadn't missed this feeling one bit.

It occurred to him that this must be way worse for Thomas, not being used to such hardships, but when he turned to watch him he stopped in his tracks. Thomas was looking around with a small smile, an almost childish wonder was on his face. Noticing Newt had stopped walking he turned around and asked him, “Is everything okay?”

Newt didn't know what Thomas could see on his face but he started walking again and nodded. He was glad when Thomas only looked at him curiously, but didn't probe further. Even he didn't know how he felt right then. He supposed the way the forest around them glistened with remaining raindrops was beautiful in its way, but – he thought back to the deer and how amazed he had felt then. And. He wasn't quite ready to admit it to himself, but looking at Thomas he thought that, maybe, the boys presence was enough to brighten everything a bit.

His musings were interrupted when Thomas stopped and said, “Is that a house?”

Immediately on his guard, Newt moved in front of Thomas and looked around. If there were still people living around here, they most likely wouldn't be the kind to just take in strangers like that. They were too far away from the cities.

Newt was just about to tell Thomas to stay here until he made sure they were alone and the house abandoned when Thomas ducked under his arm and said, “We'll be faster if we split up and circle the house.”

Seeing Newt's dumbstruck expression he added, “I'll be careful. And no offence, but I'm pretty sure I'm lighter on my feet right now than you.” He said the last bit with a grin and ran off.

Newt couldn't help the smile spreading over his face and resolved to stop underestimating Thomas. In fact, he could picture Thomas easily as a leader of the Gladers. He was showing more self-confidence already and he had proven that he could think strategic and rational.

Abandoning such thoughts for later, Newt moved quietly around towards the house. The door was poorly barricaded and a window was broken, the others were layered thickly with dust and grime.

“I don't think anyone has been here for a long while.”

Newt nodded and they broke down the door. The house was small with nearly no furniture in it and he didn't trust the stairs to hold his weight without collapsing. He saw Thomas kneel on the floor and went over to him. When he saw Thomas trying to open a latch in the floor he scrambled to help. If there was any food left in this house, it would be in there.

After they managed to pry the latch open he hesitated. It was pitch black down there and it would be hard to find a make-shift torch with all the wood still wet. He thought he had seen remains of a chair in one of the corners and stood up when he suddenly all he saw from the corner of his eye Thomas head disappearing into the cellar.

“Tommy!” Newt hissed and wondered in expiration if this was going to become a habit with Thomas. They had no idea what was down there, and even though he doubted it was anything dangerous it was still reckless.

He broke a leg off the chair and lit it as quickly as he could. Thomas took the torch from him so he could climb down as well, and when he looked up he was struck speechless. There were two shelves which someone clearly had tried to empty in a hurry, because there were plenty boxes left. They both rushed forward to open them and Newt couldn't help the sigh of relief that slipped out. Cans of beans and bottled water, even some cereal.

“These are all still good to eat, right?” he heard Thomas ask in a hopeful voice and he looked at him and grinned.

“Pretty sure these will hold for years. But, there's only one way to find out.”

And without preamble he opened a can and spooned some beans in his mouth. He saw Thomas cover a bark of laughter with his hand before he followed suite and groaned in appreciation when he tasted the food.

They took their time eating and drinking, and as Newt was contemplating how they could best take as much of the food with them as possible, they heard a loud crash. As he got to his feet he only saw Thomas' legs climbing back up and supposed he should have seen this coming. Swearing under his breath he went after Thomas and saw him standing totally still, looking out the window.

He was about to ask what he saw when he heard the thunder. He hadn't seen a storm of such a size for quite some time, but the Gladers mostly got the brunt of it because their home was on the edge of the town.

He didn't hesitate as he saw the wind bending trees but took Thomas' hand and pulled him back to the door.

“We'll be safest down there. Looks like we found our shelter for the night, too.” Newt said.

Thomas looked back at the rain with a mix of awe and fear, and Newt had the feeling if he'd let him, the boy would even go out there just to see what it was like. He shook his head with a fond expression and pushed Thomas in front of him. Just in case.

Thomas scrunched up his nose at Newt but climbed back down. Newt followed and closed the latch on them, making sure they couldn't accidentally lock themselves in first.

“I guess we were lucky then yesterday.” Thomas said fiddling with an empty can.

Newt nodded and agreed, “We were. We're pretty lucky now as well, the house may not survive the storm completely, but we'll be good in here.”

“Yes, sir.” Thomas replied with a cheeky grin and Newt just rolled his eyes.

Sorting through all of the boxes, they found two bags which they filled with that could be useful for the rest of their journey. It wasn't much, but some essentials aside from food, and that was way more than they had since this whole thing started.

They had ate some more and sat in silence for a while, but it wasn't weird or uncomfortable. Newt didn't feel like he had to fill the silence with mindless talk and was again surprised at how close he felt to Thomas.

He was friendly with all of the Gladers, but for this kind of deeper friendship to develop he usually needed more time. Alby and Minho had been his best friends for years now, and even though they hit it off right away, too, it had taken time until they were as comfortable with each other as they were now.

As comfortable he already felt around Thomas now.

After a while, his musings were interrupted by Thomas, who tentatively started talking about the cities he visited. Since this was something Newt had no idea of, he genuinely encouraged Thomas to keep talking.

“There are these paintings, I don't know if you've ever seen one. They have some on the trains sometimes, but mostly small ones and just not like the ones you see in the cities. They have entire buildings just for them. But there is this one painting, no one really gives it that much attention because the painter wasn't someone that important apparently.”

Newt nodded to show he was still listening and Thomas continued with real excitement in his eyes now.

“It shows a forest at dawn, more like the forests of before, but it doesn't really matter because everything is tinted in this hue and there is a bit of fog. You can just see the shape of one animal in the right corner of the painting, and it's looking to the left at the forest. And. Something about the way it is drawn just really gets me, I can't really explain why. It just gives me a feeling of rebirth, I guess. But the quiet kind, not like the phoenix that has to burn first, but a more natural kind. I probably don't make any sense.”

Thomas blushed slightly and looked down.

Newt tilted his head and told him in a low voice, “I think you make perfect sense. It sounds beautiful.”

Thomas watched him with an intense look in his eyes, and Newt asked, not wanting to break eye contact, “What kind of animal was it? In the painting.”

At that Thomas smiled sheepishly and answered, “I'm pretty sure it is a deer.”

Newt laughed and felt a surge of warmth from within. He didn't believe in fate, but he found himself hoping that the painting was a sign for them anyway. He couldn't remember liking someone so fast and easily so  _much_  and for the first time, Newt was thankful for the weather and every other circumstance that had prolonged their journey so far – he felt a bit of guilt thinking of his friends back home, but he felt even more glad that he got to spent so much time with Thomas.

As they laid down to sleep, Newt was unsure at how close he should be to Thomas when the boy took the choice from him and moved close enough that their shoulders brushed.

“Goodnight, Newt.” Thomas whispered and closed his eyes.

“Night, Tommy.” Newt whispered back a while later, feeling out of his depths but content all the same.

The warmth inside him stayed.

*

As he woke up, Newt had no idea how much time had passed. Seeing that their make-shift torch was nearly burnt down, he decided to risk going up, if only to find new firewood.

He looked at Thomas, who faced him but was still fast asleep, and crept up the stairs slowly. As soon as he opened the latch Newt knew the storm was still going strong. He heard the wind howling and it rained so hard, he couldn't tell if it was morning or afternoon. He looked around and when he saw the other remains of the chair in a corner he quickly got up and threw them down in the basement.

After he climbed back down and closed the door he saw Thomas sitting up and rubbing at his eyes sleepily.

“Didn't mean to wake you.” Newt apologized chagrined.

“'S okay, I've been getting used to waking up way too early.” Thomas replied with a smile. He paused and then continued, “Judging by your face we're not good to go?”

Newt shook his head.

“Bloody storm's still going strong. Would make no sense to head out there now. What's one more day, anyway?”

At that Thomas' smile turned a bit stiff, but evened out shortly after.

“Then we can take our time eating breakfast, yes?” Thomas asked with a grin and Newt gave him a crooked smile.

He held up two cans of beans and asked, “So, what do you prefer for breakfast: beans or beans?”

Newt made an effort to keep the mood light for Thomas and found it surprisingly easy to do so. He liked the way Thomas argued with his whole body when he got invested, the way he showed everything he was feeling in every part of his body – and remembering how quiet and still Thomas had sat in the train just seemed unnatural to him now.

The more he thought about it, the more he found himself disliking Thomas' family. He tried to shake the thoughts of families out of his head, attentive but cold ones just like loving but lost ones.

When Newt realized Thomas would most likely never get tired of hearing him talk about Maze and the Gladers, he tried to steer the conversation back to paintings and the big, wealthy cities, things he knew absolutely nothing about, so Thomas would have to tell him and let up the questioning for a while at least a little. He didn't mind the role-reversal, in fact, he looked quite forward to hearing Thomas' voice go hoarse of too much talking because Newt was starting to sure as hell sound like it already.

As Thomas explained to Newt what a museum was and just how much money the people spent on seemingly useless things he couldn't help but poke fun at the antics of rich people, most of which Thomas tried to defend half-heartedly at best. As Thomas argued that museums were also mainly used as a symbol to never forget the past Newt realized he was speaking without consciously meaning to. Again.

“I don't like looking back. I don't understand why people always want to look back.”

“Why?”

“Well, I wouldn't still be stuck with you for starters.” Newt answered with a grin.

Thomas seemed to surprise himself with the loud bark of laughter he let out and immediately covered his mouth to hide it. The gesture seemed to be ingrained into him, like somebody told him that the way he laughed wasn't proper and that he should be ashamed of that.

Newt didn't like it.

He moved closer to Thomas and gently took the hand away from his face. He paused, unsure, but then made a choice. As he laced their fingers together he looked down on their hands, and felt both a surge of joy and shame at seeing that Thomas' hand wasn't that different from his anymore – both had layers of dirt on them, and not just their hands, Thomas' clothes were just as dirty and torn as his now.

The atmosphere had shifted into something more serious again, and Thomas squeezed his hand and said with a soft smile, “That's not a real answer, Newt.”

Trying to find the right words, Newt held up their joint hands and said, “I know that our memories are important, but I just feel like you miss more of the life that's happening right now if you keep looking back. And that life is more important than what you had before, even if that before was amazing. Because no matter how good it was, it is the past. And thinking about it so much will only make the present look way worse than it really is. And you can't live that way, always trying to get to something you just can't reach, ever.”

Thomas was silent for a bit, and then said softly, “But looking back can also give you strength to keep going. Some people tend to tell themselves that their situation isn't really that bad, even when it really is, because they are scared to change it. You should hold onto the good, and if you see that what you have right now isn't nearly as good as what you had before, you shouldn't just accept that, you should try to change it, move forward somehow.”

Seeing Newt's fond look he rolled his eyes and said, “I know that I made it sound really easy, I know it isn't, but I still think you need to try, like, this isn't just a rule that applies to rich people only, everyone –”

Quietly laughing Newt cut Thomas rant off and said, “Always the bloody optimist, Tommy.”

He knew that Thomas could probably hear the note of wonder in his voice but he refused to be embarrassed by it. It didn't really matter if he agreed with what Thomas said, in a way, he wished that he did agree with him – and maybe he even did now, at least a little bit.

“I don't think I would have had the courage to talk with you like this if I hadn't looked back.” Thomas told him but didn't look at Newt.

He leaned forward and put himself directly in front of Thomas’ eyes again and said in a low voice, “Then I'm really glad you did, Tommy. In fact, I think I'd be quite sad if you hadn't.”

At that Thomas laughed and asked in an incredulous voice, “You think? I am pretty damn sure you would be heartbroken without my incredible company here!”

“Don't try to swear Tommy, you will always sound posh and proper.” Newt sputtered laughing and let Thomas rant and complain about it because Thomas looked stupidly happy even while he argued and he didn't move to cover his mouth while he laughed once. Newt decided that this was an argument he could bear losing, and just smiled.

They sat in comfortable silence when Thomas said in a stupidly earnest voice, “I really  _am_  glad that I am stuck here with you, Newt.”

He smiled and looked at Thomas to make another joke but the look in his eyes stopped him. Thomas looked happy, warm, content and (for the time being) safe, and suddenly Newt felt slightly overwhelmed. He realized that he always wanted Thomas to look that way, and he knew without a doubt that he would be willing to do anything to make that happen.

Something must have shown in his expression, because now Thomas looked slightly confused and opened his mouth to start what was probably another stream of never-ending questions, and Newt didn't second-guess himself, he simply pressed his mouth to Thomas'. He felt Thomas' surprised inhale and couldn't really stop himself after that – he just wanted everything Thomas had to give.

Overcoming his surprise, Thomas clumsily pressed himself closer to Newt and tangled his fingers in the blond hair. Somehow the ungraceful and slightly forceful way Thomas heaved himself on Newt's lap just endeared him more to Newt and made him hotter and happier because it meant other boy was just as eager as he was.

Hugging Thomas tightly to his chest, Newt didn't let Thomas move his mouth away from his lips, only letting him breathe when he felt Thomas' lips curving into a smile. And when Thomas let out a laugh so care-free he couldn't stop his own lips from twitching into a wide grin.

Newt never wanted Thomas to stop sounding like that, to stop looking like that, and when he touched their foreheads together he felt a peace and quiet joy he saw reflected in Thomas eyes. The stories always said that such a smile hurts to look at, that such happiness was like the sun, but he found he couldn't stop looking at him, and if Thomas was the sun he would surely be blind be now.

Their next kisses were slower and calmer, and he only realized when Thomas carefully nipped at his lips that he didn't quite stop smiling. He leaned in to suck on Thomas tongue in retaliation and felt him squirming more insistently now, and jesus christ he didn't know how he didn't notice before but he could feel himself hard and straining in his trousers and with Thomas moving increasingly desperate on his lap he felt Thomas' hardness, too, and -

“Tell me we're on the same page here,” Thomas breathed against his lips, “because I really like you and want you and not just now but -”

“Yes yes yes, Tommy, not just now, always -” Newt interrupted and felt like he said more than he meant to but couldn't care or think about it as Thomas kissed him enthusiastically and undressed Newt and himself like his life depended on it.

With so much new skin available Newt was starting to feel slightly overwhelmed again but Thomas was right there with him and fuck it, he kissed and bit and licked every bit of skin he could reach. He could feel Thomas hands on his chest, his waist, his ass, and when they moved to his dick he tipped Thomas backwards so he was on his back and Newt could move between his legs.

He could see Thomas starting to complain but when he bowed his head and kissed his bellybutton he could hear it devolving into a stream of „Oh my god“ instead and grinned to himself. Part of him wanted to draw this out, kiss and touch every bit of Tommy first, but the other, bigger part wanted nothing more than find out how Thomas tastes and feels in his mouth. Compromising, he hooked his hands underneath Thomas and gripped his ass cheeks while swallowing him down.

Newt only felt the weight of Thomas' dick on his tongue, in his throat, the weight of his ass in his hands and through all the blood rushing through his ears he heard Thomas' heavy breathing, saw his chest move up and down rapidly.

He was just getting used to the shape of Thomas in his mouth when he suddenly felt himself pulled up and away. Thomas just mumbled “Never gonna last long enough,” and grabbed the nearest bag and unceremoniously dumped its contents on the floor. Newt was just about to protest when he saw Thomas giving him a full-blown grin with wriggling eyebrows and holding a small lid of grease in his hand.

Seeing Newt's surprise Thomas just shrugged and said, “Found it in here, thought maybe it would be useful.”

Feeling unbelievably fond of the other boy Newt made it his mission to kiss that stupid grin away from Thomas face (and failed) while coating his fingers and slowly preparing him. This was the one part he refused to rush, even when Thomas' noises got more and more frustrated and desperate. God, Thomas was so responsive, so wonderfully responsive and sensitive and Newt licked into Thomas' mouth, wanting to get as close to him as possible. Only when Thomas playfully bit his tongue and kicked him did he let go.

As he slowly moved in Thomas, he stared with open mouth and awestruck expression in his eyes and was met with equal wonder. Fuck looking back, nothing was ever going to compare to this, he would never be able to forget this, not one single second. Starting with a slow but deep rhythm he felt Thomas tug him down and they clutched at each other so tightly, they must resemble a human pretzel more than should be possible.

Newt grabbed Thomas legs, then his sides, the back of his head and somehow it was all not enough, and all he could focus on were those sweet sounds Thomas was making, he kept moaning softly, like there was literally nothing he could do to stop the moans from coming out, and he sounds vulnerable and small but his hands have Newt's side and hair in a strong grip.

He only noticed that he kept saying  _Tommy_  under his breath when Thomas whined loudly and tried to dig his fingers even deeper into Newt, and he didn't mind at all, he would let Thomas dig right under his skin if he could.

All of sudden Thomas kissed every inch of Newt he could reach while his moans were steadily increasing in volume and all Newt could think about that he probably did that because he didn't have the breath to say his name and something about that just got him really hot and he gave up on the thought of having any control over his hips now – he pressed himself even closer to Thomas, gripped his shoulders firmly and then just let go.

His hips kept thrusting in and out of Thomas quickly, like he couldn't bear to be apart from him for too long, and Thomas was pressing his mouth to Newt's to stifle his moans but he could hear the breathy noises even clearer now and he knew that this would be his undoing.

He managed to get a hand between their bodies and the moment he touched Thomas' dick Thomas went completely still and with his mouth open in a silent scream he came all over Newt's hand. He managed to get a few more hard thrusts in before he felt himself coming with a loud groan.

Still lying on top of Thomas, hugging, catching their breath, he felt Thomas draw slow circles in his hair and on his shoulder and he knew he would never get tired of this, tired of Thomas. Even scarier, he didn't ever  _want_  to get tired of Thomas.

*

“Well, when we have big admissions now, I have to admit I wasn't really lost on the train. I just wanted to get away from my family for a bit and then I saw you and thought you might be better company?”

“You wanker, I knew it! I knew you couldn't be that stupid. That was some very poor excuse, Tommy, jesus christ. Bugger off, and will you stop laughing already!”

But Thomas kept laughing, even when Newt took his shirt and hit him several times with it. In fact, that just made him laugh harder and Newt couldn't be bothered to fight the grin that was overtaking his face and peppered Thomas face with kisses instead.

Feeling stupidly, foolishly happy, his mind wandered to what he wanted to show Thomas back in Maze, and how he would introduce him to the others, because it didn't matter where he came from, Newt was sure Thomas would fit right in, and – he froze.

Because it did matter.

Newt had only ever planned to get Thomas and himself back to Maze in one piece, preferably as fast as possible. That had been the plan.

And Newt didn't want to stick to it at all anymore. Reaching Maze, Thomas had made clear that he needed to see his sister, make sure she got out alive and was unharmed. And Newt, he needed to see for himself that Minho and the others made it and were okay. They would split up, him dropping Thomas off in front of a police station and then he would leave.

And he wouldn't be seeing Thomas again. Because seeing his sister would also mean seeing the rest of his family, and even if Thomas really wanted to come with him, his aunt and uncle would  _never_  in his life let him leave with someone like Newt.

Sensing Newt's distress, Thomas nosed at his cheek and asked softly, “What's going on in that beautiful head of yours, hm?”

“Isn't it a bit late for flattery now?” Newt tried to deflect.

“Never too late for flattery. Especially for pretty people like you.” Thomas mumbled with a smile but then put some space between their faces so he could look Newt in the eye.

“If there's something you're worrying about, I want to worry about it, too. Teresa and I always say shared worries are no worries.” he said with a grin, but his eyes were serious.

Newt sighed and tried to choose his words carefully, not wanting to ruin the joyful mood.

“Actually, that kind of  _is_  the problem. You, and Teresa, and your aunt and uncle, and then me, and Minho, and Chuck and the other boys.”

Newt could tell that Thomas understood when he lowered his gaze and his smile dimmed.

“Oh.” It was barely more than a soft inhale, and Newt felt his heart ache. This was exactly what he hadn't wanted to happen. “You're wondering what's going to happen when we get to the town.”

Newt nodded and gave Thomas' nose a little nudge with his. All of sudden Thomas' eyes flew open and after looking at Newt intently, he captured his lips in a heated kiss. Slowly separating, he said in a small voice, “I want to be with you. And I want to be a part of the life with the other boys. But I also love my sister and need to see that she is well.”

Newt kind of hated that he couldn't even be mad at Thomas, since he was the one asking him to leave everything behind, for what? As if reading his thoughts, Thomas framed his face with both hands.

“I do want to leave, and not just to be with you. I always did. And right now, I think I love you. And I think I could love the way we would live our lives together. Like the deer, yeah?” Thomas admitted looking scared but determined nonetheless.

At the mention of the deer something strengthened inside Newt, a resoluteness he hadn't felt before. He remembered when he thought that escaping the world would be the only way for him to be truly, completely happy, and fighting his way to believing something else for Alby and Minho, and in that moment he was sure of something in a way he hadn't been able to be sure of anything for a long time now.

If Thomas wanted this, if this was his escape, to be  _happy_ , then Newt refused to feel guilty. Instead, he swore to find a way to make it happen, to give Thomas that happiness and life he was yearning for, and maybe, just maybe, he would find his own in the same place.

“Well, then we'd better make sure we have a bulletproof plan ready by the time we reach Maze, 'cause I don't think your family would fancy it much if I were to steal you away from them from right under their nose.”

He was startled when he suddenly found himself turned on his back and Thomas looming over him, grinning wildly.

“Don't worry, I've got quite a brain I've been told.” he told Newt with twinkling eyes while Newt snorted.

“If this is the best of the uptown people I don't think we'll come very far.”

Thomas wriggled his eyebrows and leaned down to kiss him and said in a terrible sultry voice, “Believe, I haven't even started showing you my _best_.”

Newt burst out laughing but pulled Thomas down on top of him and let him continue.

*

The next morning they walked out with one bag full of food each and Newt felt lighter than he had in months. The world looked just as bleak and grey as always but it didn't bother him anymore. When Thomas took his hand with a smile and a new spring in his step, the only important thing was the way his thumb kept brushing his own anyway.

After Thomas suggested they stop to eat 'lunch', since they had enough food for that now, Newt knew he wasn't the only one who wanted to draw their journey out a little. He agreed gladly, hoping they would be able to come up with a plan soon because while he had said it in jest, Newt was certain Thomas' aunt and uncle wouldn't let him out of their sight from the moment they had him back, and he had no chance to run away with him if that was the case.

They didn't talk as much as they had before, but clung to each other in silent comfort instead. He could physically feel the weight and dread of reaching the city and found himself dragging his feet.

Newt only realized that they were much closer to Maze than he had thought when they came across abandoned fields. He knew nothing grew on these because  _he_  had tried, which meant that they were half a day from Maze at most.

Some of his panic must have shown in his eyes because Thomas forced Newt to look at him and said in a calm yet authoritative voice, “Hey, we're going to be okay, Newt. We can do this, I know we can. And even if we should get separated –”

Thomas voice broke, but after gathering himself he spoke in an even more determined tone than before.

“Even if we should get separated, we  _will_  meet again.”

With a small grin, Newt added, “We're stubborn enough at least.”

Sharing his grin, Thomas nodded and gave him a quick kiss.

“Okay. Here's how we're going to do this.”

*

Thomas' plan was a far cry from being well thought out. Newt could count on both hands just how many things could go wrong, but seeing as he had no better idea, he didn't mention that. He was pretty sure that Thomas knew the faults as well, but chose to go through with it anyway.

Thomas straightened his back and nodded encouragingly towards Newt.

“Let's do this.”

Helpless to do anything but follow, Newt prayed it would work. That somehow they would find a way to make it work.

Their plan was the following:

  1.                   Move into Maze, looking like the everyday townsfolk as not to rise attention. (This was likely to work, since they probably looked even dirtier and poorer right now than everyone else. No one would want to look twice at them.)
  2.                   Get to the registration office near the train station. (Do-able.)
  3.                   Newt would go in, asking for Teresa's whereabouts, saying he had been with her brother in the train who unfortunately died, and wanted to bring her the news herself, because he felt like it was responsibility yadayada. (He gave this a 50% chance to work. He would be drawing attention to Thomas, if they had bad luck someone could recognize Thomas outside at hearing his name and expose their lie. Or, even worse, the office refused to give Newt Teresa's location and they would tell her that her brother was dead, which Thomas would never do to her.)
  4.                   Find Teresa, get her outside alone so Thomas could meet her secretly and explain everything. (From what Thomas had told him, their aunt and uncle didn't usually leave the siblings alone, let alone allow them to leave with someone like Newt. And people there would most likely recognize Thomas, so had to stay out of sight until Newt had caused a diversion elsewhere.)
  5.                   Say goodbye to Teresa and run away to the Glade with Thomas, unseen by everyone else. (Newt really wished they had the help of Minho and the others for about every step of the plan.)



 

Thomas agreed with the last assessment, but if they would go the Glade first they were more likely to miss Teresa and risk exposing their home, just in case some guards did recognize Thomas. After the train accident, there would have been more around for the first few days. He really hoped most of them had gotten back to their normal posts by now.

Surprisingly enough, they managed to move in into town unnoticed within the crowd, but bloody hell, there were way more Grievers around than usual. He was glad they had decided to not go to the others before, the plan worked best if he and Thomas pretended not to know each other, walking within sight of each other but with several people in between.

Trying to look guilty and earnest at the same time, he went into the registration office and stressed that he wanted to bring the news of the young sir's death personally, and either the worker behind the desk was overworked or felt generous today, but after giving Newt a judging look, he wrote down the address for him.

He couldn't quite stop the sigh of relief he let out as he moved into a small alley, where Thomas was eagerly snatching the note from his hands. So far, so good.

“She's there?” Thomas asked and when Newt saw the mix of excitement and nervousness on his face he softened and nodded.

“Yeah, she's there. One piece and all that. Your aunt and uncle, too, unfortunately.” he added with a grimace.

Not wanting to prolong this any further, he gave Thomas a lingering kiss.

“For luck.” he grinned at Thomas startled face and lead the way.

The house in which Thomas' family was staying was one of the biggest in the whole town and Newt told the staff at the door that he was sent to bring a message to the young lady of the house, a Miss Teresa, hoping desperately they wouldn't require more detail to allow him through.

Their luck seemed to be still holding strong, as the staff waved him in and led him to a salon. Alone the room was nearly as spacious as the room the Gladers used as a dining-room, and here it was filled with two sofas only. He shook of his thoughts when Teresa moved into the room and after a look of confusion she seemed to recognize him.

Her face transformed from cold and impatient into something wild, and she asked in a whisper, “Thomas?”

Seeing the staff close the door, but probably staying within hearing distance, in case Teresa needed something, he only dared to nod. He tilted his way to the street, hoping she would get the hint, and making it up as he was starting to talk, said, “Mr. Valka would like to invite you to one of his dinner parties while you're still staying here. He lives just down the street.”

Teresa had listened to him with tears in her eyes but looking out and then back at Newt, she seemed to understand what he was trying to do. She nodded and then said, a bit louder than necessary, “It would be terribly unseemly for me to accept an invitation of a man I do not know. Perhaps we could go outside and you'll show me where he lives, so I may think about it and then discuss it with my family.”

With that, she strode out of the room, leaving Newt to run after her, not daring to believe everything was going to plan just yet. The servant at the door looked between her and Newt and it looked to him like he was hesitantly objecting to Teresa going out with Newt like that alone, but she waved a hand dismissively at him and assured him she would be back in a minute.

At last the servant moved aside, but with an unhappy expression on his face which in turn worried Newt as well. But he didn't see anything he could do that wouldn't make the situation more suspicious, he lead Teresa to a neighbouring alley, which was hopefully obscured from the view of the mansion.

As they moved in, he only heard Teresa breathlessly exclaim, “Tom!” before he saw Thomas and Teresa clutching at each other.

“I knew you couldn't be dead, I just knew, I knew.”

“I know, it's okay, I'm here, I'm alright.” Thomas assured here burrowing his face in her hair.

Feeling like he shouldn't see this, Newt moved to take a step back, alerting Thomas to his presence. He visibly collected himself and gripped Teresa's hands.

“Teresa, we don't have much time. I, well,” he motioned to Newt and continued with a giddy smile, “This is Newt. We got out and have been travelling together ever since. I want to go and live with him?”

Thomas said the last bit meekly, and seeing Teresa's flabbergasted expression, he quickly added, “I know that sounds stupid, but it's not. We've been talking about getting away before, and we could never really bring ourselves to because we didn't have – I'm in love with him, Teresa. I just can't go back and be who they want me to be anymore.”

“You've known him for all but a week, Tom!”

“This is about more than that, and you know that. Teresa – I want to do this. It's my choice, it's my chance, and I really want to take it. I don't think I ever will have another chance like this. And I. The only way I could imagine my future better, is if it had you in it with us.” At this Teresa's whole demeanour changed and her eyes snapped to Thomas. She and Thomas seemed to communicate on a different level now, one he wasn't privy to, and he knew he had to let Thomas do this for himself.

“This is really what you want?” she asked him in a soft, barely audible voice, and Newt realized for the first time that he was essentially stealing her brother, never to be seen again. His heart ached not just for Thomas then.

Thomas nodded and said in an equally quiet voice, “I love you, you'll always remember that, yeah?”

Touching their foreheads together, they stood still and unmoving and Newt didn't dare say anything to interrupt this moment.

Wiping away the tears from her eyes, Teresa looked at Newt, then back at Thomas, and gave him one last hug.

Just as they were separating, Newt felt someone grab him from behind and throw him to the floor. He felt multiple hands dragging him back to the main street and heard Thomas scream his name with a desperation that made him want to vomit. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. They had been so god damn close -

“Stop! You hear me, stop! Please, just stop!” Thomas screamed and Newt could feel his pain as he was thrown onto the ground and away from Thomas once more.

When he managed to look up, he saw Teresa standing by, looking scared and miserable, but once he saw Thomas, he could only focus on him. There were guards and his uncle grabbing him, holding him back, and Newt realized it was because he was hysterically trying to reach him.

Scared they were going to hurt him, no matter how noble or important he was, Newt said frantically, “Tommy stop, please. Just don't hurt him, okay, it was my idea.” Anything to take the blame from Thomas, to get the hands of these people off of him.

He saw Thomas shaking his head, looking like his world was falling apart, when his aunt started admonishing in this cold, cruel, unforgiving voice that was way worse than the angry screaming of his uncle could ever be. Newt didn't break the eye contact with Thomas, willing him to stop fighting, not to make it worse, only catching bits of his aunts speech, words like ‘disgrace’ and ‘rectifying behaviour from the base’ to which Thomas luckily didn't seem to listen to.

Breathing hard, he noticed that they had attracted quite a lot of guards and servants, probably the whole bloody street, and figured the staff at the door must have sold them out. As one moved between his and Thomas, he saw the one who tried to stop Teresa from going looking ashamed and pitiful at Newt before lowering his gaze to the floor.

“Ma'am, please. I know you have done a lot for us, for me, since our parents died, and I know this doesn't seem understandable to you, but please, let me go. I just want to be with the person I love and to be happy, to be free, in a way I couldn't be with you, even though I know you do care for me. So please -” Thomas pleaded but was silenced with a look of utter contempt and pity.

And with a serene voice, his aunt said, “You don't understand your place yet, but you will. We have clearly been too             lenient, and that is after all not your fault. We will make sure that we can all put this silly situation behind us, and I assure you, it will seem unbelievable and unreasonable to you, as well, Thomas.”

He remembered that what she was implying there was exactly what Thomas had been so afraid of, and Newt despaired to know that it was his fault that it would come true.

Suddenly Teresa looked at him and said in a low voice, “You're lucky he loves you. Don't forget that. And the moment you stop making him happy, I will come after you.”

Before Newt could react, she had taken a torch and threw it at the building, whose roof erupted into flames immediately. He realized it was a distraction the same moment Thomas did. As Teresa hit one of the guards holding Thomas with a piece of firewood, Thomas kneed his uncle in the stomach and kicked at the other guard, while Newt grabbed a metal bar and aimed it at the head of the last guard.

By now the others had taken notice of what was happening and were coming towards them. Newt grabbed Thomas' hand and had started to run when he felt Thomas look back and hesitate. Then he heard Teresa yell, “Go! We'll meet again, Tom, I promise, now go!”

Thomas nodded at her and ran, and Newt understood that Teresa had given him permission to take Thomas with him so he could be happy, and he knew in that moment that there was someone in the world who loved Thomas as much as he loved him and decided to make sure her sacrifice wouldn't go to waste.

The police were yelling and pursuing them relentlessly Newt risked a look behind his shoulder, and while he knew this town inside out, he didn't know where he could lose that big of a crowd without leading them right to the Glade. He gripped Thomas' hand more tightly when all of sudden there was a cloud of ash and dust behind them. Startled, they looked up and when Newt saw Chucks grinning face looking down on them he let out a laugh of disbelief.

They must have seen him enter the city and someone must have followed them while the others must have notified the rest.

When he heard an all too familiar voice yell, “Over here, you shuckheads!” he grinned widely at Minho, feeling more free and happy than he could remember ever feeling before. Catching Thomas' eye, who was laughing breathlessly with pure joy on his face, he held onto the feeling.  


**Author's Note:**

> Since I am studying English in university and have been playing with the thought to seriously get involved with books after, I decided to at least try writing myself. This has been written for fun and maybe a bit of practice, too, since English isn't my first language, so feel free to point out any vocabulary or grammatical mistakes so I can fix them. My inbox is always open on tumblr (singapourar.tumblr.com), so give me a hola there anytime!


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